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Amit Pandey

I'm Here for Me. I Won't Stop.

By 29029 Everesting

March 18^th, 2022

I moved to the United States in 2016. I was 22, and it was my first time away from my family in Mumbai. Ironically, after such a big move, I hadn’t spent much time thinking about my life - or where my life was taking me after that point. I was just chilling, enjoying living in a new place.

Of course I missed home - missed my family, and missed old friends - but this time in a new place opened up my eyes. I started to learn that I was going to have to look within myself to find happiness.

Finding my path became my focus. I read so many books and listened to so many podcasts on the subject, but I started to realize I was just following scripts. Whichever self-proclaimed motivational guru I was digesting at the time would say “do this for a good life.”

And I would do it.

But it wasn’t sustainable. I was living my life according to someone else’s script.

Then I discovered Jesse Itzler. He wasn’t like so many others that offered up life advice. Jesse stressed writing your own life script, according to what you want and what you love. He really resonated with me.

I started to look within myself to find happiness. I realized that things like family, experiences, and experimenting with different things in life were all important to me - they were all part of the life I wanted to build.

And one of those experiences I knew I wanted to take on was 29029.

I hate running. I hate cardio. I don’t like doing those types of things, which made 29029 the perfect challenge to commit myself to - the perfect chance to challenge myself to grow.

At the time, I was saving up for a car. I didn’t want to finance one, so I’d been working hard saving up enough cash to buy one outright. Then the opportunity to enter 29029 came up.

I chose to use some of my savings to register for 29029. I knew a car would be great, but it would quickly become something I took for granted. An experience like 29029, however, would have an impact that could last forever!

So I registered. Buying a car could wait.

Training wasn’t easy. For my first training run, I went a single mile. My god, the pain I felt! My ankles, my shins, my legs…

But I set a goal to move my body every day. I broke down the training into tiny, manageable chunks.

After about a month, I started to notice the changes in my body. Every run started to feel a little better. Eventually, one mile was easy. Then 1.5 miles. Then 2 miles.

This is when I realized I didn’t actually hate running - I hated the way running made me feel. As I started to train and look after my body, I started to feel better. I hadn’t even set foot on the mountain yet, and the experience was already making lasting changes in me!

When I first arrived in Utah, I felt a bubbling excitement.

Damn, I’m finally here! This is what I’ve been thinking about for the past 3 months.

I was taking it all in. I didn’t want to miss an ounce of the experience.

So many people talk about being nervous before the event, but I wasn't. The feeling I had wasn't born out of confidence or arrogance, but instead born out of genuine curiosity.

I had no expectations of myself. How could I? I'd never climbed a mountain before. Never ran more than a few minutes straight. Never hiked up the equivalent of Mount Everest! I was curious what would happen to me when I tried.

My only goal was to experience everything that happened on the mountain with every last ounce of my being.

I had no thought of this is how it should go, which freed up my mind to let the experience guide me.

I took my first ascent so slow! I wanted to enjoy it - to truly take it all in.

I stayed where my feet were, focusing on every single footstep. I didn’t worry about the next 36 hours. I didn’t wonder if I’d be able to get the coveted Red Hat. I didn’t even think about how the 2nd ascent would go. I simply paid attention to me.

Partway up that first ascent, I had the most precious moment. My slow pace had placed me all alone on the mountain. The group was far enough ahead that I could not see any fellow participants.

I stopped and took it all in. It was calm. Peaceful. Tranquil. Quiet. I was in tears of awe.

The sun was just starting to rise over the mountains, casting a golden glow over the landscape.

“This is life. This is what it’s all about,” I thought to myself.

If the first ascent was all about enjoying myself, the second was when I pivoted into the zone of putting in the hard work. I put my head down, and put one foot in front of the other.

The 3rd and 4th ascents were when things started to get real for me. It was getting hot outside. I was getting tired. I might have even be dehydrated. The mountain was not an easy place to be.

I started my 5th ascent at 5:30, and I had to do an ego check. Others were starting their 7th, 8th, or even 9th ascents… I was so far behind!

It’s not you vs them, Amit. It’s you vs you.

Be where your feet are.

At 4 am, I started my 8th ascent on the mountain. My heart was pounding. My head ached. Waves of nausea overwhelmed me. I was using caffeine to help push through the fatigue, but I thought I’d overdone it…

As I got back to the bottom of the most challenging ascent yet, I saw Coach Brent sitting at a table. I approached him, telling him how messed up I was feeling.

"I know I don’t want to quit, but I don’t know what to do right now."

Coach Brent didn’t miss a beat - he looked at me and replied, “Look around, Amit. Look at everybody on this mountain. Every single person - even the guy who finished all his ascents in only 17 hours - has almost s*** their pants at some point. It’s hard for everyone.”

“Don’t worry about if you’re going to finish. Just get back out there and focus on doing one more.”

I couldn’t say no to Coach Brent, so I went back out for ascent number 9.

Your body will find a way to keep going if you let it, but will your mind? Will your mind let you keep going? That ascent is when I realized my mind was what was holding me back.

My body was in a frenzy, but I could still take another step. I could always physically take another single step forward.

I just had to make the mental choice to do so. I could keep going.

At 3:50 pm, I finished my 11th ascent. At that point, I knew I couldn’t complete two more ascents before time ran out.

My mind was ready to quit. I’d done so much - climbed so far - and thoroughly enjoyed my time on the mountain. If you’re not going to get the Red Hat, what’s the point? Why keep going for one more? You’ve already done enough.

I caught myself - those thoughts weren’t what I wanted my mind to serve to me.

No. F*** you brain! I’m still going!

There were 2 hours to go, and I had been averaging 2.5 hour ascents that day. I might not finish before time ended, but I was going to try!

I started up the mountain - focusing on one step at a time.

Partway up, I ran into Coach Brent again. He said he’d hike the last ascent with me - help me reach the top in time - but with a caveat: I had to follow 2 rules of his:

1 - Do what he says, no questions asked.

2 - Repeat the mantra, “I’m here for me. I won’t stop.”

I’ve never pushed my body as hard as I did on that ascent. Coach Brent was like a guardian angel, propelling me forward, encouraging me to push the pace.

I was huffing and puffing - it felt like no matter how fast I was breathing, my body wanted more oxygen. My muscles screamed for a break. My body was in physical agony.

But my mind was strong. I’m here for me. I won’t stop.

I looked up and we were only 100 feet away from the finish. Coach Brent turned to me, and simply said “stop.”

A long silence sat over us, broken only by the screams and cheers traveling down to us from the finish line. It was 5:30 - there was still 30 minutes to go! Coach Brent had pushed me so hard that I had finished the ascent in an hour and a half - my fastest one yet!

As I fought to catch my breath, he broke the silence: “I pushed you before so you could enjoy now. I didn’t want to rush you at the end.”

“Look back. Look down the trail… You did this, Amit.”

“Now go. Just you, alone. This is your last 100 feet. It’s for you. Enjoy it,” Brent told me, motioning towards the finish.

All these emotions came erupting out of me. I have never cried in front of strangers, but here I was, balling my eyes out like a baby in front of dozens of people.

Except they weren’t strangers. They were friends from the mountain. Friends of 29029. Friends who knew exactly what kind of experiences can be had on the slopes, and they were there to make it even more special for me.

I didn’t finish the challenge. I didn't make it to 13 ascents.

But I was so happy. Ecstatic even!

It was never my goal to finish 13 ascents. My goal was to show up to 29029 and not bullshit myself. My goal was to put myself through an incredible challenge and see if I would rise up to it.

And I did.

At the end of the day, I gave myself that Red Hat. Obviously, not the real one - I didn't steal anything! But I felt its presence on my head because I conquered my own personal Everest.